I stumbled this evening upon your website. I fit closely with the not-yet-acknowledged diagnosis of C-PTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder).
At 50-years of age, it’s hard to believe that this goes on. But sadly, I am certain that I am one of only millions. It’s become quite clear that while I was looking at Ayahuasca, MDMA therapy, etc. as possibly assistive in my healing, the marijuana I have been using for many years, may very well be the “plant medicine” that was needed all along.
In fact when I spoke with my therapist about feeling like marijuana was falling away as my friend because it kept me from healing due to the fact that it was no longer enjoyable, she urged me to continue, and to use it spiritually.
She recommended using it and performing alternate-hand writing, dialoguing with this hurt/angry child, etc. I was skeptical.
But currently, I’m getting off of Clonazepam, down from 2mg 3x’s daily to 1/2mg twice daily, and plan to move to none in a timeframe that is feasible. I continue to smoke cigarettes at the pace of a pack per day, but otherwise, marijuana at night.
I completed an M.S. in Mental Health Counseling, realized the b.s. of western psychology as a stand-alone, and am very knowledgable of many eastern philosophies and body-oriented psychotherapies.
Unfortunately, an intimate relationship went south and so did my mental health. I become depressed to the point of not being able to perform tasks. Currently, I feel regressed, and the child within is physically rearing its head. I’m impatiently sitting with this.
However, I began meditating, and almost immediately nail-biting (the earliest form of self-harm) stopped. I didn’t even consciously wish to stop that behavior. So I continued Vipassana Meditation until the pain became so great, as I now know, because of the physical abuse I suffered as a young child, along with the emotional and psychological mind-fuck I’d experienced.
When I read your words, “wounded healer” that has been my mindset for more years than I can recall. I am trying to simply allow the sensations and feelings to pass and allow the tears to flow, the anger to appear on my face and the memories to float into awareness on their time, not mine.
Although I remain stuck in the fog. I wish to pursue this path of healing. I know that my heart wishes to help others, but must continue to help and support this self.
I thank you so much for taking the time to read this long and probably largely tangential request for guidance, and look very much forward to hearing from you. – Eric
What an enlightened therapist you have for suggesting you try cannabis again.
Thank you for your heartfelt sharing of where you’ve been and importantly your desire of how you want to see your life unfold. You, like I was, are on a path searching for what will help you heal having upturned many stones.
This is why I do what I do – three years ago after having found my teacher and his remarkable pioneering approach that ultimately reorganized my nervous system and created new neuro pathways while connecting me with my Soul and created curative emotional healing, I was called to support others in doing this very thing.
You are becoming the wounded healer. The understanding and empathy we draw from our healing journey is a HUGE BENEFIT to those we guide. But you’re right, it is important to heal first (or be strongly in the midst of healing) to offer guidance to others. That will come. I invite you to subscribe to my e-newsletter so we can be in touch.